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Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
1:17 am - F the President(s)

Dude I shit you not...

So I'm on my way back from Michael's from getting Bid Day stuff and I pull up behind a truck on Perkins-- for those of you not from/in Memphis, that's WPM aka White People's Memphis.

I realize that sitting in front of me is a '95/'96 model truck (they only made the model those two years, and yes I know that shush) covered in Bush stickers. Now, I'm not talking about "W The President" or "W STILL The President" and Bush/Cheney stickers from the two campaigns. No, no, they were accompanied by stickers from the Bush/Quayle '92</i> campaign.

I almost missed the light-- this guy had to have kept B/Q stickers intending to put them on any car he bought in the future. What. Thefuck.

current mood: tired

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Thursday, July 6th, 2006
6:37 pm

I had a dream last night that my lake house was a level in time splitters. Capture the bag, I even knew where the bases were.


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1:21 pm

Dudes, I shit you not:

I just saw a guy drift a FIRETRUCK. On 10th St. in the middle of traffic no less. Holy shit.

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Friday, April 21st, 2006
11:25 pm - Its too horrible to be shitting you about...

I was driving home by the civic center, and very obviously it was prom night. There were limos everywhere, of every variety. Prom night is usually a night for bad taste (in dresses) and bad decisions (like sex with the nasty boy/girl), but why, why, why? was there a zebra-print strech Hummer limo?  Dude, I shit you not.

current mood: exhausted

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Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
5:50 pm - So....

Just how long does it take to stop a Ferrari flying (as in through the air) at 162mph?

Oh, the story also involves the Mafia, Homeland Security, disabled people, Gizmondo, and a possible man named Dietrich.

"It's link-tastic!"

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Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
11:26 pm - Git it gurl..

Dude. I shit you. NOT.

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Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
12:12 pm - Oh, the good old hockey game is the best game you can name


We're in the middle of the second period at the RiverKings game last night and the lights go out over half the rink.

Nobody hit anything, no pucks were flying, but the lights went out and the visiting team's jerseys started to flouresce.

We were so bored in the press box that we started trying to write a hockey version of "The Night that the Lights Went Out in Georgia".

I'd post it, but I don't remember half of it and I promise it's not worth your time.

(Note: I realize now that this sounds kind of lame if you weren't there, but I typed it so I'm gonna post it anyway)

current mood: exhausted

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Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
8:49 pm

no, i'm not bullshitting you...

Vampire goes for governor

Voters in the US state of Minnesota may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office this year.

Jonathan 'The Impaler' Sharkey says he plans to announce his bid for governor today on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.

"Politics is a cut-throat business," he said.

Eight years ago, Minnesota elected a former professional wrestler, Jesse 'The Body' Ventura, as its governor.

"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Mr Sharkey said.

"I just hate God, the Father."

But 'The Impaler' says he respects all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.

Mr Sharkey has also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.

He has told the Minneapolis Star Tribune newspaper he is a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV".

"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.

Mr Sharkey says he is announcing his candidacy today, on Friday 13, because that is his lucky number.

The field for the governor's race in Minnesota is far from complete.

Republican incumbent Tim Pawlenty is widely expected to seek another term in November and his Democratic opponent has not been determined.

- Reuters


http://www.jonathonforgovernor.us/Home_page.html - his homepage


his homepage seems to be lacking in what you could call "professional taste" though.

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Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
12:08 am - Psycho Kids

Dude, I shit you not,

Today was the first day of my internship, and we had a special kid pass through. One of the other staff tried to make him sit in his seat, and he growled and blew bubbles at her. When his grandmother came to get him later, she told the staff member that her grandson was a prophet, and he could sense the devil in children, and could start to sense it in the staff, which is why he would misbehave. J. later told us, "If he's a prophet, then I must be Jesus!"

Let's recap:

Demon Child

Peace Out...

current mood: sick

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Friday, January 20th, 2006
10:35 am - Figaro figaro figaro...

Dude I shit you not

One of the construction workers on campus (we're having the theatre redone) is outside my window right now singing opera to himself.

Construction worker.

Fake opera.

Good stuff.

current mood: bored

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Friday, January 13th, 2006
12:18 pm - Just country boys and girls gettin' down on the farm

DISYN, we saw NASCAR brand bacon at the grocery store.

It was honey smoked, too.

current mood: sleepy/cold

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Monday, December 26th, 2005
4:26 pm - Straight up now tell me do you really wanna love me forever oh oh oh

Dude, I shit you not, I just sold Paula Abdul a shitton of cards for her American Idol kids and was told to "Just call me Paula!"

(xposted to my journal)

current mood: quixotic

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Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
8:06 pm - Grandma got run over by a reindeer


On her way to Tunica this morning, my roommate saw two men in a pickup truck stop in the middle of the road, hop out, grab a dead possum (roadkill), and throw it in the back of the truck before pealing off in to the woods.


current mood: busy

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Monday, October 24th, 2005
6:17 pm - Dude I shit you not...

Lego Porn

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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
12:15 pm - If you wanna be a player, but your ride ain't fly...

Dude I Shit You Not...

My roommate bursts in the door last night and tells me to get some shoes and a camera, there's something I have to see NOW.

We run out through the parking lot of our apartment complex and see this...

The Most Ridiculous Car EverCollapse )

And, in case you didn't catch those tires...

A CloseupCollapse )

'nuff said.

current mood: groggy

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Thursday, September 15th, 2005
10:14 pm

Go to Google. Type in "Failure".
Hit "I'm Feeling Lucky".
Dude, I shit you not.

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Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
4:27 pm - We want prenup we want prenup


Our apartment complex is generally pretty quiet.

This morning I went outside and could hear a woman screaming "GET OUT! GET OUT RIGHT NOW, GET OUT!" at the top of her lungs and slamming a door downstairs. I ignore it, go to my car and put stuff in the trunk, go back up to check my bank balance and then come back down. It's still going on. Jerome, the elderly deaf man who lives below us, comes sauntering out with Mississippi white trash trailing behind him in a bright pink off the shoulder tank top, frizzy brown hair, too much makeup and, oh yeah, about 30 years his minor. She screams. "I HOPE SHE WAS WORTH IT YOU 80 YEAR OLD WHOREMONGER!"

I think I live in Mississippi, what about you?

It made my morning.

I also then got in the car, turned on the radio, and found Kanye West's song "Gold digger" on.

current mood: drained

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Friday, September 9th, 2005
1:17 am - As day goes and night falls

Dude I Shit You Not...

So everyone's been saying that we shouldn't call the people who were formerly living in NOLA and have now taken refuge in homes and shelters in the Memphis area "refugees" because it makes it sound like something bad has happened


No, seriously, someone said this. On the news.

And a girl in my year at Rhodes said, "No, the French Quarter didn't flood at all... wait, I thought they were going to open the levees so that the water would flow in to the suburbs instead of the historic parts of the city!"

I am for-fucking-real.

current mood: bored

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Friday, August 12th, 2005
12:28 pm

There is a town called "La Canada" in CA.

Also, the tops of UPS trucks are white, not brown.

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Sunday, July 24th, 2005
1:09 am

Dude i shit you not.

I'm new! but thats not it.

I one ate four day old sushi that had been sitting in room temperature. ^.^ Good times.

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